A healthy family requires emotionally intelligent parents to raise emotionally healthy children, as a healthy society needs emotionally wise leaders to lead emotionally healthy members. This section will discuss what constitutes emotional intelligence and how we help screen them.
Since the introduction of Salovey and Mayer’s (1990) definition, the lack of consensus and a clear theoretical rationale for the definition and measurement of emotional intelligence has resulted in many different versions undergoing scientific verification. In this chapter, I would like to reinterpret emotional intelligence in light of the proposed 5-Stage theory.
Mayer et al. (2008) arrived at four conclusions relating to emotional intelligence (EI), despite struggling over what to include as part of its definition, including social intelligence and personality traits, excluding the items included in defining IQ. Mayer et al.’s conclusions include: 1) EI can be measured in the same way as traditional intelligence, 2) EI is typically defined in a relational context, 3) EI has a developmental feature that can increase with age, 4) EI has a hierarchical feature, and 5) EI has both cognitive and emotional components. Following several revisions, Mayer et al. finalized their definition for the development of a testing instrument through four areas of emotional skills: (a) “perceiving emotions in oneself and others accurately,” (b) “using emotions to facilitate thinking,” (c) “understanding emotions, emotional language, and the signals conveyed by emotions,” and (d) “managing emotions so as to attain specific goals” (Salovey & Mayer, 1990; Mayer et al., 2008, p. 506).
It is encouraging to note that Mayer et al.’s and Goleman’s (1995) conclusions coincide with the contention of the proposed 5-Stage theory in that emotional intelligence can be: identifiable for measurement, is relationally oriented, developmental, and hierarchical, and involves both an emotional as well as a cognitive component. Of note, the four-branch model suggested by Mayer et al. aligns well with the 5-Stage model in the order of developmental sequence, except for the last two areas of their emotional skills that need to be switched in order. l. The first branch relating to “perceiving emotions in oneself and others accurately” corresponds to the emotional identification of Stage 1. Likewise, the second branch relating to “using emotions to facilitate thinking” corresponds to the cognitive transitional Stage 2. The third branch, “understanding emotions, emotional language, and the signals conveyed by emotions,” corresponds to self-awareness Stage 4. The fourth and final branch relating to “managing emotions so as to attain specific goals” corresponds to the emotional control at Stage 3 or the use of empathy at Stage 5 (Mayer et al., 2008, p. 506).
Daniel Goleman’s (1995) definition of emotional intelligence can also be modified according to the proposed model’s five stages. Drawing on Salovey and Mayer’s (1989) five main domains, Goleman (1995) also defines emotional intelligence as (a) knowing one’s emotions, (b) managing emotions, (c) motivating oneself, (d) recognizing emotions in others, and (e) handling relationships (p. 43).
In Emotional Intelligence, Goleman describes various emotional problems caused by a lack of self-awareness, an important prerequisite for acquiring emotional intelligence. He uses examples such as (1) the impulse-driven “passionate” (p. 49) with the tendency for emotional engulfment, (2) the indifferent “alexithymics” (p. 51) lacking in feelings, and “unflappables” (p. 75) with repressed feelings, and (3) the chronic worriers with emotional hypersensitivity and excessive rumination (Goleman, 1995). These types may well fall into the first three stages of the proposed model before achieving self-awareness and mindfulness at Stage 4 of emotional development.